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o44 [Action | Video]
[It's such a nice day out that Okita has decided to take the House 50 pets for a walk. Around mid-morning after he finishes his training, Okita can be found wandering around the village with the yellow chocobo Tammy in tow. And on her back? A disgruntled Saizou, wishing he could be down from the heathen bird. Tammy doesn't seem to care since Okita keeps plying her with treats to ensure she follows.
As he walks, he'll open the journal and turn on the video, showing him and the bird in the background.]
It's such a nice day out~
I wonder if everyone's in school or if they're on break~?
Are all the New Feathers settled in? If anyone would like a tour around town today, I'll be out with Saizou and Tammy~ Dog, unfortunately, can't take walks. Poor thing. But! That's okay~ He's happy at home. Come say hello! I really want to meet all of you.
As he walks, he'll open the journal and turn on the video, showing him and the bird in the background.]
It's such a nice day out~
I wonder if everyone's in school or if they're on break~?
Are all the New Feathers settled in? If anyone would like a tour around town today, I'll be out with Saizou and Tammy~ Dog, unfortunately, can't take walks. Poor thing. But! That's okay~ He's happy at home. Come say hello! I really want to meet all of you.
[Voice]
... Sh-she, she has a mother to g-go home to, and... a-and...
... Sh-she won't be alone, I hope.
I just...
I-Is, is it unethical to... t-to want her here?
I, I had never had a daughter before... and I... I-I, I love her...
[He hides his face in his hands and tries not to cry. He's cried enough.]
[Voice]
...It is selfish, however. But that is how people are.
[Voice]
... I... I just want her to be happy, and safe... But...
... I-It... is terrifying that people can simply just disappear and then forget and...
[He trails off, his voice choked by a sob he tries in vain to cut off.]
[Voice]
But do you think she'd want you being like this?
[Voice]
[Sadly:] N-No, I do not think she... would.
[He looks over at her letter, the letter he's practically immortalized since her loss, and rereads it. It's pretty much telling him to do the opposite of what he's been doing.
But it hurts so much to put his heart in other peoples' hands. Whenever they leave, they take another piece...]
[Voice]
Then you're doing her a disservice, don't you think? She'd much rather see your smile than your tears.
[Voice]
But he... gets the point of what Souji is trying to say.]
It... is hard, to smile.
... But...
P-Perhaps I could try for her sake... [Not convincing, really. He will try, of course, but it will be awhile before he can really gild himself against the pain.
But with help... he'll be able to weather this, eventually.]
[Voice]
Mourning her as if she were dead just seems to be unfair to her memory.
[Voice]
In a way, I... s-suppose it might be.
But this is almost... worse, because I know she is still alive and well but I cannot see her, or speak to her... and all the time we had together will be like nothing, unless she somehow manages to r-remember if she ever returns...
[Souji might be able to tell that this is something that sparks real terror for Robert... because it is a profound fear of his.]
[Voice]
But crying over it will do nothing to change what has happened. You can only move forward.
[Voice]
[Especially for somebody like Robert, who is emotionally delicate and childlike in many ways; who hasn't been close to somebody for five years, who has never really experienced loss that he didn't cause himself, who has never been in a position before where he cared about somebody so much that losing zir hurt like this.]
[Voice]
[And sorry, Robert, but Okita's life is made of people dying, people being lost and forcing himself to keep smiling despite it all. He's a bit harsh sometimes because of that.]
..........
But time is needed. You don't have to force yourself until you're ready.
[Voice]
...
But... thank you. F-For the advice.
[It's genuine, even if Robert does think it's a bit harsh...
He's glad Okita wanted to listen, anyway.]
[Voice]
[Voice]
[He remembers Grell's advice. And... in a way, it did help. Trying to be confident... that's what Don wants too, isn't it?
Likewise, in this case, this is what Vivi wants. He can't just wallow in his grief forever.]
[Voice]
[He laughs slightly.]
It can't rain forever though. Just remember that.
[Voice]
That is... c-correct.
... Though I suppose in a sense this is... rather like an extended weather front. [Crappy joke attempt is a go.]
Still. ... I will try, for her sake.
[And eventually the pain... won't go away, but will become easier to bear.]
[Voice]
Good. That is all one can do in these situations.
[Voice]
... Thank you again for... l-listening.
Sometimes... sometimes that helps the most.
Perhaps one day we can... s-speak in person. I would like to meet Tammy and... Saizou, you said? [The pronunciation on "Saizou" might be a bit weird.] If both were a-amicable to the prospect, of course.
[Voice]
[Voice]
I look forward to us speaking again in f-future, when things are... better, for me.
[That's... going to take awhile.]